Love after Divorce

Is it possible to find love after divorce? What if the divorce process was long, expensive, and grueling? Is it possible to be able to open up again to be vulnerable enough to trust another person with your heart even after all of the hurt and loss that you have experienced? I think so, as long as you are aware that there will be some baggage that you may be carrying from that experience that could and will show up in the next relationship if you are not willing to do the work of clearing it up before moving forward. I was actively going through therapy and counseling when I made the decision to divorce my husband. I wanted to be clear that I was making the right decision for myself and my children. After one year of counseling I was clear that this is what was best for all parties involved. I had no idea the many obstacles that I would go through in order to be free of a toxic marriage. I realize that every divorce is not the same but mine was very ugly, expensive, emotionally draining, and time consuming. I wouldn’t wish what I was going through on my worst enemy. I was very angry that the man that I had giving so much to was putting the mother of his only children through such humiliation and pain. There were times where he had pushed each other so far to the brink that we would have verbal outburst in front of our attorney’s. We eventually got through the divorce process not unscathed, but we finally made it to the end. I continued to go through counseling a couple of months after my divorced was finalized and then after three years I was done. After therapy, the relationship with my ex-husband was strained but we tried our very best to be cordial with one another for the sake of co-parenting and it works for the most part, but the awkward uncomfortable feelings remain. However, I was excited to get serious about love again, especially since my counselor had said that I had done so well and I now have the tools to be able to counsel myself through any issue that arises. I had been striking out on my own so I decided to try finding love online. Did I find love? Absolutely! What I wasn’t aware of is that you won’t find exactly what you want, what you will find is exactly what you are at that moment in your life. I had found a very handsome, affectionate, caring, loving, hardworking father that had the same desires as myself. I had found my match, someone that I could give my undivided attention to and feel safe to open my heart to completely. He was never married but had just got out of a long-term relationship and had a very bitter breakup, so we had similar backgrounds and so much in common. However, I completely understand that no relationship is perfect and there will inevitably be peaks and valleys as time goes by and you learn more and more about each other inside and out. I learned that my new found love had a side to him that was angry and off-putting whenever disagreements would arise. I would often ask myself; how could this caring, loving person display so much anger at times of conflict? His anger would trigger me and it would get ugly and bring out things within me that I thought I’d healed and never see again. What I wasn’t aware of at first was his behavior was a direct reflection of what I had not healed from my marriage. I had not completely healed the anger and resentment from my previous relationship so that baggage reared its ugly head in my new relationship. See the great thing about life is that it will always provide opportunities to learn lessons that will help us move forward, we just need to be aware of the lesson and learn from it. So, yes, it is absolutely possible to find love again after a divorce. Just make sure that you have cleared out all of the baggage from your previous relationship. Seek help, go to a counselor, hire a life coach (wink wink). You may not think that you are carrying baggage but the universe never lies and it will come up again and again until you are healed. Be encouraged that the person for you is out there, don’t feel rushed to jump right back into a relationship after one has ended. What’s for you is for you and will be there once you are finished doing your work. Love is waiting for you right around the corner, you just need to be open to it to receive it.

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